So much time spent in the darkness.
My heart and soul stored in cold places.
Walls behind my eyes, letting nothing show.
If there is no hope, you can't be hurt, right?
Then you were there, are you a dream?
Sunburst smile and eyes that melt me.
Hope thawed my shattered heart.
Throwing caution aside to love again.
But you were a dream. Only a dream.
I fooled myself, thinking you were mine.
And some of you always will be mine.
Slowly, I woke from that beautiful dream.
The darkness is waiting for me, I know.
My sun is still out, but behind a cloud.
Standing in the doorway to my dark room,
I look back, tears unshed, wanting, yearning.
Stepping inside, I close the door.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Some day
Someday, we'll thread our way through time
Brave a thousand perils
Cry a thousand tears
Greet a thousand rising suns
Live a thousand lives
To find each other once again
Our hearts, always searching, always remembering,
Will finally, have salvation in each other's arms
Finally whole
Finally content
Tears of joy spilling down our faces
We'll be the people we were meant to be
our journey, on the whole, complete
All our trials, at last, finished
Nothing to hold us back
Ready to claim our moments of joy
Ready to hold each other tight
I will wait and watch for you
Hoping, against hope, that I'll find you
I'll face the perils, cry the tears
I'll live the lives
Just to hold you once again
Brave a thousand perils
Cry a thousand tears
Greet a thousand rising suns
Live a thousand lives
To find each other once again
Our hearts, always searching, always remembering,
Will finally, have salvation in each other's arms
Finally whole
Finally content
Tears of joy spilling down our faces
We'll be the people we were meant to be
our journey, on the whole, complete
All our trials, at last, finished
Nothing to hold us back
Ready to claim our moments of joy
Ready to hold each other tight
I will wait and watch for you
Hoping, against hope, that I'll find you
I'll face the perils, cry the tears
I'll live the lives
Just to hold you once again
Me
I'm strong, I'm smart.
I'm clever, I'm goofy.
I'm Achilles, I'm Obi Wan.
I'm Batman, I'm Indiana Jones.
I'm funny, I'm happy.
I smile, I laugh.
I'm passionate, I'm sappy.
I'm a puppy, I'm a lion.
I'm sure, I'm confident.
I'm spiritual, I'm punctual (almost).
I'm a lover, I'm a fighter.
I'm soft, I'm hard.
I'm at peace, I'm loved.
I'm open, I'm honest.
I'm home.
When I'm with you.
I'm clever, I'm goofy.
I'm Achilles, I'm Obi Wan.
I'm Batman, I'm Indiana Jones.
I'm funny, I'm happy.
I smile, I laugh.
I'm passionate, I'm sappy.
I'm a puppy, I'm a lion.
I'm sure, I'm confident.
I'm spiritual, I'm punctual (almost).
I'm a lover, I'm a fighter.
I'm soft, I'm hard.
I'm at peace, I'm loved.
I'm open, I'm honest.
I'm home.
When I'm with you.
Have you?
Have you ever felt love?
I mean really feel it.
Washing over you like a wave,
Letting it overwhelm your heart.
It's like childhood's perfect summer day.
A beauty that cuts like a razor.
Music written just for you.
A warm light in the darkness.
Being content watching someone sleep.
The sun rising with opening eyes.
A slow, sleepy smile and warm hair.
Discovering the world again.
Have you ever felt love?
I mean really felt it.
Knowing you can die happy,
Because it finally found you.
I mean really feel it.
Washing over you like a wave,
Letting it overwhelm your heart.
It's like childhood's perfect summer day.
A beauty that cuts like a razor.
Music written just for you.
A warm light in the darkness.
Being content watching someone sleep.
The sun rising with opening eyes.
A slow, sleepy smile and warm hair.
Discovering the world again.
Have you ever felt love?
I mean really felt it.
Knowing you can die happy,
Because it finally found you.
Numb
I woke up numb today.
Too much to think about,
Too much to feel.
It's almost more than I can bear.
My soul vibrates like a harp string.
One more thing and it will snap,
And then where will I be?
I don't think even the Divine knows.
Too many responsibilities.
Too much baggage.
I stint on nothing.
The burden will destroy me.
I don't trust.
I don't accept.
I can't believe.
My faith is lost.
Where do I go from here?
The Path, once so clear,
Is now shrouded in mist.
I'm afraid I've lost me.
Still, I must carry on.
To stop, is to die.
Maybe I can rest a moment.
Can I die just a little?
Too much to think about,
Too much to feel.
It's almost more than I can bear.
My soul vibrates like a harp string.
One more thing and it will snap,
And then where will I be?
I don't think even the Divine knows.
Too many responsibilities.
Too much baggage.
I stint on nothing.
The burden will destroy me.
I don't trust.
I don't accept.
I can't believe.
My faith is lost.
Where do I go from here?
The Path, once so clear,
Is now shrouded in mist.
I'm afraid I've lost me.
Still, I must carry on.
To stop, is to die.
Maybe I can rest a moment.
Can I die just a little?
Don't break my heart
I'm standing in front of you.
Battered, but not broken.
It isnt the way I'd have wanted to start,
But we don't always get to have that choice.
Yet here we stand. And my eyes are round with wonder.
Can it possibly be true? What makes me so special?
I want to ask, but you quiet me with a finger to my lips.
Your fingers brush my cheek. I know you are uncertain, too.
We touch, we talk.
We listen , we learn
We hope, we dream.
We share pasts, we share pains.
To believe is to take that leap of faith.
You said you were willing to, but don't make you wait.
See me now. I'm in front of you. No more waiting.
My hand is reaching for you. Please take it.
Yesterday is gone. It can't be changed.
Tomorrow is hidden, unknowable.
We have here and now.
I'm happy and content to spend it with you.
The sun is out, warm on our faces.
Take my hand, take my heart.
Let's find love, teach each other how to trust.
Let's make each other whole again.
As your fingers curl around my hand,
We have so much to give each other.
All I ask is the same that you ask of me,
Don't break my heart.
Battered, but not broken.
It isnt the way I'd have wanted to start,
But we don't always get to have that choice.
Yet here we stand. And my eyes are round with wonder.
Can it possibly be true? What makes me so special?
I want to ask, but you quiet me with a finger to my lips.
Your fingers brush my cheek. I know you are uncertain, too.
We touch, we talk.
We listen , we learn
We hope, we dream.
We share pasts, we share pains.
To believe is to take that leap of faith.
You said you were willing to, but don't make you wait.
See me now. I'm in front of you. No more waiting.
My hand is reaching for you. Please take it.
Yesterday is gone. It can't be changed.
Tomorrow is hidden, unknowable.
We have here and now.
I'm happy and content to spend it with you.
The sun is out, warm on our faces.
Take my hand, take my heart.
Let's find love, teach each other how to trust.
Let's make each other whole again.
As your fingers curl around my hand,
We have so much to give each other.
All I ask is the same that you ask of me,
Don't break my heart.
Cold WInd
Cold wind blowing, I stood on the rocks.
I watched the river with walled off eyes,
set in a face that was cold and hard.
Dark clouds reflecting in eyes that were darker.
The leaves have turned and are falling.
I'd wanted to show you this.
But instead of turning the river to molten gold,
The leaves were just dead things, swept away.
I don't blame you. You were being true to yourself.
I blame me for wanting so badly to find something not there.
I hurt you with my silence. You hurt me with your words.
We talked ourselves into a corner and hurt each other.
Time will heal the wounds, but the changes will remain.
We'll be both better and worse as people.
But you need to be true to yourself,
As I need to be true to me.
I'm sorry.
I watched the river with walled off eyes,
set in a face that was cold and hard.
Dark clouds reflecting in eyes that were darker.
The leaves have turned and are falling.
I'd wanted to show you this.
But instead of turning the river to molten gold,
The leaves were just dead things, swept away.
I don't blame you. You were being true to yourself.
I blame me for wanting so badly to find something not there.
I hurt you with my silence. You hurt me with your words.
We talked ourselves into a corner and hurt each other.
Time will heal the wounds, but the changes will remain.
We'll be both better and worse as people.
But you need to be true to yourself,
As I need to be true to me.
I'm sorry.
Swoon
Pounding music and flashing lights in the darkness made the club near surrealistic. The people dancing, reminiscent of primitives dancing in the firelight. The sights, sounds and raw emotion washed over the vampire, but he was searching for a different flavor. Ahh, there it was again!
Reaching out, his mind found the woman he’d been following for the last two hours. The despair and loneliness radiated from her. A plain woman, given to slight chunkiness, she dressed and made herself up to cover the flaws she saw in herself. But that couldn’t hide the fact there were never messages on her answering machine. Never a second glance from any man. She felt she had so much to give, but no one seemed interested. He sensed that she had reached a point of no return in her life. She was here to say good bye to the world that had treated her so poorly, then go home to seek her end. He would help her find that passage.
He was tall, with a noble, face and regal bearing, with short dark hair and piercing eyes. He didn’t walk so much as glide, a shadow in the glaring light. Reaching her table, he waited patiently until she met his eye. He reached out his hand to her. Her eyes were like those of a deer as she took it and allowed him to pull her from her seat and lead her out onto the dance floor. Despite the wild tempo of the techno pop, he held her close in a warm embrace. She shivered at his touch.
Speaking directly to her mind, he told her that she’d been treated too harshly. She was beautiful, proud and strong. The people in her life were fools to have not seen it. She deserved so much better. If she would so honor him, he could show her the true meaning of love. Still swaying to the music, he took her face into his hands, looking probingly into her eyes. They were bright with tears. Her mascara was running slightly in a couple of places. Softly, he pressed his lips to hers. With that simple contact, she sighed into his mouth and melted against him. He insulated them from the world, pouring thoughts of acceptance and love into her.
They danced together that way for two hours. There were never words. Just her eager embrace and his gentle touches and thoughts. She devoured the attention, filling herself with it to overflowing. At last, he led her off the dance floor and helped her into her coat. After a final kiss, he followed her to her apartment.
Walking in, it was as he had expected. Bright colors, frilly things. A vain effort to make things appear happy and fulfilled. He noticed the pictures of smiling men’s faces. Her face was never in any of the pictures. The pictures of her were as a child, heavy and always alone. She hung up their coats, looking at him nervously.
"C..Can I get..." She stammered.
He placed a finger over her lips, telling her mind that words were not needed here. He led her by the hand into her bedroom. The double bed was filled with idiotically smiling stuffed toys, her make up table filled to overflowing. The only light, a bright pink pair of neon lips blinked on and off, alternating with the words "Hey Hot Stuff!"
Clumsily, she tried to unbutton his shirt, but his hands covered hers and guided her down the line of buttons. He helped her strip off his clothes, the neon light making his pale skin pink. He allowed her long minutes of touching and exploring his body. He gave her the reaction she was hoping for. Carefully and gently, he removed her clothes, piece by piece. He led her, naked to the bed, sliding beneath the covers. He covered her mouth with fierce kisses that made her breath stutter. His flaming kisses making her body respond in ways she had only imagined. Her pounding heart and singing blood ringing in his ears. Parting her legs, he slipped deep inside her, making her cry out as he took away her virginity. He would be her first and last lover. He was a strong and gentle lover. Teasing her body to the very edge, then pulling back.
Finally, he felt that she was on the edge of orgasm. Fangs sliding down, he bit into her throat, filing his mouth with passionate blood. She cried out as the orgasm washed over her, clutching as his body, pulling it closer as he drank her life. Soon she lay still, heart fluttering, but a contented smile on her lips. As her heart fluttered it’s last beats, he licked her blood from his now warm lips and kissed her softly a final time. Whispering into her ear, he said "I love you." With a sigh of happiness, she passed beyond the light.
The vampire untangled himself from her dead limbs, carefully composing them into an attitude of slumber. She deserved that final dignity. Brushing her hair with his fingers, he stood and quickly dressed. Leaning over her, he kissed her forehead. Never looking back, he slipped into the night.
Reaching out, his mind found the woman he’d been following for the last two hours. The despair and loneliness radiated from her. A plain woman, given to slight chunkiness, she dressed and made herself up to cover the flaws she saw in herself. But that couldn’t hide the fact there were never messages on her answering machine. Never a second glance from any man. She felt she had so much to give, but no one seemed interested. He sensed that she had reached a point of no return in her life. She was here to say good bye to the world that had treated her so poorly, then go home to seek her end. He would help her find that passage.
He was tall, with a noble, face and regal bearing, with short dark hair and piercing eyes. He didn’t walk so much as glide, a shadow in the glaring light. Reaching her table, he waited patiently until she met his eye. He reached out his hand to her. Her eyes were like those of a deer as she took it and allowed him to pull her from her seat and lead her out onto the dance floor. Despite the wild tempo of the techno pop, he held her close in a warm embrace. She shivered at his touch.
Speaking directly to her mind, he told her that she’d been treated too harshly. She was beautiful, proud and strong. The people in her life were fools to have not seen it. She deserved so much better. If she would so honor him, he could show her the true meaning of love. Still swaying to the music, he took her face into his hands, looking probingly into her eyes. They were bright with tears. Her mascara was running slightly in a couple of places. Softly, he pressed his lips to hers. With that simple contact, she sighed into his mouth and melted against him. He insulated them from the world, pouring thoughts of acceptance and love into her.
They danced together that way for two hours. There were never words. Just her eager embrace and his gentle touches and thoughts. She devoured the attention, filling herself with it to overflowing. At last, he led her off the dance floor and helped her into her coat. After a final kiss, he followed her to her apartment.
Walking in, it was as he had expected. Bright colors, frilly things. A vain effort to make things appear happy and fulfilled. He noticed the pictures of smiling men’s faces. Her face was never in any of the pictures. The pictures of her were as a child, heavy and always alone. She hung up their coats, looking at him nervously.
"C..Can I get..." She stammered.
He placed a finger over her lips, telling her mind that words were not needed here. He led her by the hand into her bedroom. The double bed was filled with idiotically smiling stuffed toys, her make up table filled to overflowing. The only light, a bright pink pair of neon lips blinked on and off, alternating with the words "Hey Hot Stuff!"
Clumsily, she tried to unbutton his shirt, but his hands covered hers and guided her down the line of buttons. He helped her strip off his clothes, the neon light making his pale skin pink. He allowed her long minutes of touching and exploring his body. He gave her the reaction she was hoping for. Carefully and gently, he removed her clothes, piece by piece. He led her, naked to the bed, sliding beneath the covers. He covered her mouth with fierce kisses that made her breath stutter. His flaming kisses making her body respond in ways she had only imagined. Her pounding heart and singing blood ringing in his ears. Parting her legs, he slipped deep inside her, making her cry out as he took away her virginity. He would be her first and last lover. He was a strong and gentle lover. Teasing her body to the very edge, then pulling back.
Finally, he felt that she was on the edge of orgasm. Fangs sliding down, he bit into her throat, filing his mouth with passionate blood. She cried out as the orgasm washed over her, clutching as his body, pulling it closer as he drank her life. Soon she lay still, heart fluttering, but a contented smile on her lips. As her heart fluttered it’s last beats, he licked her blood from his now warm lips and kissed her softly a final time. Whispering into her ear, he said "I love you." With a sigh of happiness, she passed beyond the light.
The vampire untangled himself from her dead limbs, carefully composing them into an attitude of slumber. She deserved that final dignity. Brushing her hair with his fingers, he stood and quickly dressed. Leaning over her, he kissed her forehead. Never looking back, he slipped into the night.
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